SGM Dec. 2014 Weekly Message One: “Two Secrets To Happiness”
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Welcome to the December 2014 Edition of Spiritual Growth Monthly—your resource for insights, tips, and tools to create a better life for yourself, others, and the planet. I’m Kevin Schoeninger. Thank you for being with us here at SGM!
Last week I visited Independence Hall in Philadelphia—birthplace of the United States and the Declaration of Independence—that document which extols our right to Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. How important must happiness be that it is deemed to be an inalienable right—a fundamental experience native to our essence as human beings. As such, you would think that everyone knows what happiness means and how to attain it.
If you would believe what you see and hear on TV, online, or in the media, you might think that happiness is about having the things that you want or that it’s about good things happening to you. If that is the case, happiness is certainly going to be a fleeting experience dependent on forces outside your control. If happiness is solely dependent on the circumstances of your life, you are in for a bumpy ride. Like the weather, all circumstances are constantly changing. If you are pinning your happiness on results in the world around you, life is likely going to be more struggle than happiness.
What if happiness is something more? What if it is a conscious decision—a choice about how you go about living your life? What if it’s about what you choose to focus on and put your time and energy into? What if happiness is a set of skills that you can master?
This month, we begin a new series on the pursuit of happiness, as we explore the book “A Unified Theory of Happiness: An East-Meets-West Approach to Fully Loving Your Life” by psychologist Andrea F. Polard, Psy.D. Polard has spent the better part of her career investigating the science of happiness. Her mission is to reduce suffering and promote happiness by understanding what happiness really is and how we can consciously go about it.
In surveys conducted in the field of happiness research, it quickly becomes clear that most of us know deep down that happiness is not about how many things we have, it’s more about a state of being. It’s “about an experience of engagement with or participation with life.” (p.17, UTOH) We know that, as Polard says, “happiness is not a final outcome, such as something we can possess, but rather something that must be regenerated because ‘you get used to everything,’ ‘things may not turn out to be as you had thought,’ and ‘things change throughout our lifetime.’” (p.14, UTOH)
Interestingly, what she’s discovered is that “once our primary needs are met, happiness depends entirely on the development of our consciousness. . . the ability of consciousness to change its focus and to skillfully relate to what it focuses upon.” (p.1, UTOH) (As a side note, these are exactly the skills that we develop in meditation practice.)
Happiness then is a dynamic state of well-being that is about what you consciously focus on and how you relate to it. Happiness does rest on a basic level of needs being satisfied—in other words, we usually need to have food, shelter, clothing, and a certain degree of health and energy to engage in our pursuit of happiness. Yet our mindset as we pursue these needs is a big component of our happiness, as well. So, the bottom line seems to be that happiness has to do with some qualities or capacities of consciousness.
Specifically, Polard has identified two interdependent modes of happiness—what she calls Basic Mode and Supreme Mode. In the Basic Mode, we consciously focus on pursuing specific goals and relationships in various areas of our life. This dimension of happiness has most often been extolled in Western cultures. In the Supreme Mode, we consciously let go and discover the deep peace and Oneness that underlies and gives birth to all our experiences. This dimension of happiness has most often been extolled in Eastern cultures.
Because of this dichotomy, we often hear happiness presented as an either/or. It’s either about pursuing goals OR realizing a goal-less state of present moment awareness. On the one side are proponents of engaging in the activities of life with passion and purpose, who tend to see the other side as escaping from the realities of life, being disengaged, dispassionate, and uncaring. On that other side are proponents of non-duality and higher consciousness who see transcendence of passion, sensation, and desire as the path to true freedom and happiness.
Yet, what if both approaches are not only equally valid—but necessary? What if we can learn something from each approach? What if it’s our ability to cultivate and move between these two modes of consciousness that defines our ability to be happy? What if we need skills developed in each of these modes to be truly happy and fulfilled? What if this is what it means to be fully human and in love with life?
Let’s explore both sides of the happiness equation to see how they contribute to our ability to be engaged in a dynamic state of well-being.
First, in the Basic Mode, we pursue happiness by setting our sights on good goals and good connections in relationships. We develop competence and confidence as we passionately engage in our dreams and worthwhile activities. This type of pursuit establishes priorities, gives focus and structure to our lives, and helps us wake up excited for the events of the day ahead. This is the Western ideal of active participation in life.
Examples of this mode of happiness include learning a new skill you enjoy, taking care of your health through nutrition, exercise, meditation and other health-related practices, establishing and working toward financial goals, seeking out significant others and growing your relationship skills, and engaging in creative projects, to name just a few. This type of engagement requires some degree of single-minded focus, effort, learning, and development of skills and qualities of experience over time.
These Basic Mode activities extend our consciousness into the world and establish meaning-filled relationships with others and events. This mode of happiness presupposes that we are in some sense separate individuals who have specific needs to be fulfilled and gifts and skills to be contributed to others and the world. In the fulfillment of those needs, the relationships and experience we enjoy, and the contributions we make, we find happiness.
While the Basic Mode of happiness is about engaging in persistent pursuits, the Supreme Mode of happiness is all about letting go. It is about relaxing intentions, goals, desires, and efforts and resting in the Oneness of Being. It is about allowing events to emerge, while simply being present within them. It involves appreciating and enjoying the beauty of “what is” and it entails a relaxed, yet alert mode of attention that is sometimes called “Observation” or simply “Presence.”
As such, this mode of happiness is effortless and stress-free. It is an anti-dote to being overly goal-oriented and overly attached to how we want or wish things to be. It counters the stress of striving with the peace of Being. As such, it complements the Basic Mode to keep us in balance.
Taking time to experience the Supreme Mode in itself, such as in meditation, enables us to transcend the stresses of life and release ourselves from the expectations, shoulds, and limiting thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, that can rob us of happiness. In the Supreme Mode, we transcend our habitual sense of individuality and enjoy the freedom of open, clear, awareness and Oneness with the One Life we all share.
In our Weekly Messages over the next two months, we’ll explore specific insights and practices from both modes of happiness. We’ll begin this month with Supreme Mode, because the transcendence found there frees us to pursue our goals and relationships in Basic Mode with greater awareness, more skill, and less stress.
Merging Supreme Mode with Basic Mode gives us states of “flow,” “being in the Zone,” and the effortless realization of goals. (Much more about this as we continue forward.)
To conclude this Week’s Message, I will leave you with one invaluable insight suggested by Polard:
Happiness can be learned and it must be consciously chosen.
Happiness is not just going to magically arrive on your doorstep and stay with you from that moment onward. In fact, happiness runs counter to some strong subconscious programming that we all have inherited. We have evolved with strong impulses that can actually work against happiness.
Etched in our DNA is a strong pull toward survival. We are wired to be on guard against threats to our well-being and to see life through the lens of safety first. For example, we can easily get overly consumed with paying our bills, worrying about losing our jobs, staying comfortable in our schedules and routines, doing what we think we should do or what others want us to do, worrying about our health, and over-guarding our assets to the detriment of our happiness and well-being.
While it is important to take care of our survival and provide for our basic needs, our subconscious programming to be vigilant and protective extends way beyond its usefulness for survival. This protective impulse, if not kept in check, will tend to dominate our thoughts and make us overvalue what is safe versus what is fun, skillful, rewarding, fulfilling, passionate, loving, expansive, and purposeful—the very things that bring us happiness.
So, because of this strong tendency to overemphasize risks and protect against them, happiness must be consciously chosen and persistently practiced. You must make a firm pact with yourself to pursue happiness or else survival and safety concerns are likely to dominate your mind. Knowing that this is the case, you can pursue happiness more consciously and skillfully.
You can learn to master happiness and pursue it as a powerful path to fully realize your potential as a human being and live the life of purposeful, fun, and rewarding contribution that you are meant to live. I look forward to supporting your journey of greater happiness over these next two months.
I would love to hear your comments, questions, and shared experiences about happiness in our Discussion below.
In next week’s message, we’ll explore a fundamental insight that will help you dive into a deeper experience of Supreme Mode and fill you will peace and joy.
Until next time,
What is it that truly makes you happy?
Kevin