SGM March 2014 Weekly Message Two: “3 Steps From Stress to Empowerment!”
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“3 Steps From Stress to Empowerment!”
Press the play button or click here (right click + save target as) to download the audio file
Welcome back to the March 2014 Edition of Spiritual Growth Monthly. I’m Kevin Schoeninger. It’s great to have you with us here at SGM!
This month, we’re exploring key insights and practices to master the stress you feel.
In last week’s message, we discovered that your experience of stress is the result of how you are thinking about the demands you’re facing. In general, you’ll feel more stress if you think that the challenges in front of you are big and your resources are small. Now, most of us tend to do this to some extent. We tend to exaggerate how big our challenges are and underestimate our own resources.
For example, you’ll feel lots of financial stress if you are constantly thinking that you “never have enough money.” You’ll tend to get sick if you think the world is a toxic place teaming with unhealthy germs and underestimate the power of your immune system to handle it all (and as a result, not empower your immune system with the support it needs to do its job).
You’ll feel more stress if you’re always thinking about the countless things you have to do instead of focusing on the one thing that is in front of you to do right now—that you can handle. And, maybe most pervasively, if you have a habit of putting yourself down or thinking you are “never enough,” your life will be a constant struggle against overwhelming demands that you never seem to overcome.
Thoughts are powerful. The thoughts you focus your attention on are critical to your health, happiness, and success. Therefore, how you work with your thoughts is one of the most powerful keys to mastering the stress you feel. In this week’s message, we’ll explore three inner skills you can use to work with your thoughts effectively and transform any stressful situation into an empowering opportunity.
Here are those skills in three simple steps. You can practice these steps in order whenever you feel stress, anger, frustration, overwhelm, or any tension or discomfort.
Step 1: Pause and Observe your thoughts without being caught up in them. When you feel stress rising up, notice the words in your head. Then, notice how you feel when you think that way. And then, notice what you feel compelled to do when you are thinking and feeling that way. This chain reaction starts with how you’re perceiving the situation you’re in. So, it can be powerful to notice that and insert a mental pause in your thinking, before it leads you to do things that make your stress worse instead of better.
Practice witnessing your thoughts with calm acceptance, as if you are a curious observer looking on from the outside. See if you can observe what you are thinking, feeling, and doing without judging it as “good” or “bad”—simply notice what you’re doing with a gentle attitude. If your inner critic rises up, just notice that, too. “Hmmm, that’s interesting. I see that.”
This observer’s perspective, this gentle acceptance of “what is,” takes your stress down a notch and gives you a little mental space to witness your automatic reactions without feeling compelled to follow them. As you allow yourself to gently accept “what is,” it becomes easier to allow experiences to come and go naturally. It becomes easier to “rest in what is” and allow yourself to trust and let go. You may be surprised at how well this works, especially when you follow it with Step Two.
Step 2: Consciously Relax your body. You can focus your mind inside your body to take your stress down another couple notches. Some powerful inner cues you can use for relaxation include, adjusting your posture, breathing consciously, “smiling” inside, and feeling inner-body sensations of relaxed, open, clear, still, spaciousness. We’ll practice these in a moment.
Step 3: From a relaxed perspective, ask Inner Guidance how to move forward toward what you truly desire, toward what is really most important to you. There’s a Core part of you that knows what to do. Choose that response, instead of the automatic reaction you felt compelled to do before initiating these three steps.
Once you’ve paused your automatic reaction and created some mental space by observing it with detachment and acceptance in Step One and relaxed your body in Step Two, you are in a whole different place from which you can much more easily and naturally tap into Inner Guidance. From that relaxed centered place, you’ll most likely find it much easier to discover the opportunity that is available in the challenge you’re facing.
To get a feel for just how well this can work, let’s practice it together. In PART B of the audio above, I’ll guide you through these three steps using an experience of stress from this past week.
So, if you will, I’d like you to call to mind one stressful experience from this past week. Think of one moment that put you on edge and challenged you. It could be a moment in traffic, a deadline you faced, being late for an appointment, an argument or interpersonal conflict. . . Once you have one event in mind, you can play the audio and follow along as I guide you through the three steps from stress to empowerment.
Enjoy!
“3 Steps From Stress to Empowerment”
In this audio, I’ll guide you through three inner steps to transform an experience of stress into empowerment. By following along, you’ll grow your inner skills of Self-Observation, Conscious Relaxation, and Inner Guidance, so you can tap into them more easily anytime you need.
So, if you will, call to mind one stressful experience from this past week. Think of one moment that put you on edge and challenged you. It could be a moment in traffic, a deadline you faced, being late for an appointment, an argument or interpersonal conflict . . . any moment of tension or discomfort. . .Go ahead and choose one to work with now. . .
Now, I’ll guide you to witness some important details of this experience from a calm observer’s point of view. In other words, I am not asking you to relive this experience or go through the experience of it again, but to notice some details about this experience as if you are a curious scientific observer. See if it’s possible to make note of what happened without judging it as good or bad, just noticing “what is” and accepting whatever you notice with a gentle, easy-going attitude.
So, if you will, call to mind where you were when this event took place. Notice any important details of the environment . . . Recall who you were with and what happened. . .Notice any thoughts that went through your mind. . .Notice how you felt when you thought those things. . .Notice what you felt pulled to do when you were thinking and feeling that way. . . Notice anything that arises as you recall this experience. . . See if it’s possible to accept what you thought, felt, and did, and what others said and did without judging yourself or them as good or bad—just noticing what happened and letting it be O.K.
Is it possible that everyone, including you, was doing the best they could given what they knew, what had happened to them in the past, and what was happening at the moment? Notice how you feel when you think this way. . .
Notice if you are hanging onto any judgments toward yourself or others about what happened. . .Just notice and accept whatever comes up for you—and, as best as you can, allow it to all to be O.K. . .
If you feel tension about any of this, just notice that. Allow whatever you feel to be O.K.
If you feel a desire to forgive yourself or others for anything related to this experience, feel free to do that now.
If you feel a desire to let go of anything you’re hanging onto about this experience, notice that, and feel free to let it all go right now, if you’d like to.
Now, I’ll guide you to consciously relax your body.
So, if you will, feel the bottoms of both feet and your toes. Allow the bottoms of your feet and your toes to soften and relax, consciously letting go of any tension . . . Feel the palms of both hands and your fingers. Allow the palms of both hands and your fingers to soften and relax. As your hands and fingers relax, allow that soft easy feeling to spread through your arms and shoulders and allow them to relax down.
Now, focus to the top of your head. Imagine a string attached to the top of your head and allow that string to draw your spine into a nice alignment, feeling a sense of spaciousness up through your spine and through the top of your head.
Tuck your chin just slightly to release any tension in the back of your neck.
Smile, a gentle, easy smile of acceptance and gratitude for this moment to consciously relax and let go. Allow that feeling of smiling to relax your jaw and your eyes . . . Release any tension from your eyebrows and your forehead. Allow that feeling of smiling to wash down through your whole body, creating a relaxed positive inner environment, nurturing every cell.
Take a few slow deep breaths. As you inhale, imagine and feel as if your whole body is filling up with your breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel as if your whole body is emptying out and allow yourself to relax even deeper. Each time you exhale, allow yourself to let go even more. . .
Now, feel your body as a whole from the inside. Feel the entire space inside your skin. Imagine and feel your whole inner space as open, clear, still, and spacious.
Now, in the center of your inner space, focus into your heart, the Core of your Being. Smile and breathe into your heart and enjoy the sensation there.
In a few moments, I’ll guide you to ask your heart this question: “What do I feel inspired to do about this situation in which I felt stressed or about similar situations in the future? What will take me toward what is most important to me in this situation?”
Float that question in the space of your heart, in the Core of your Being, and just notice anything that arises. See if it’s possible not to try to have an answer. Trust that answers are always available—and that you’ll find them in just the right way at just the right time. There’s a Core part of you that knows what to do. It’s just a matter of paying attention and noticing what comes up. Guidance may arise as a thought, feeling, image, or inspiration. You may notice something now, later today, or in the days ahead. If you notice resistance, frustration, or anything else, just notice and accept that, too.
So, now, ask your heart, the Core of your Being:
“What do I feel inspired to do, what will take me toward what is most important to me in this situation?”
Continue to smile and breathe through your heart and pay attention to anything that arises. Just noticing, accepting, and paying attention to anything that arises. . .
Now, slowly open your eyes and feel the space around you. Feel your relaxed inner presence within the space around you. Take this relaxed present awareness with you into your life and follow your Core inspiration.
Well done!