relieve stress Archives | Spiritual Growth Monthly

Declare Your Independence From Stress

By Janet Wolfe | July 1, 2021

In the U.S. July 4^th is our national holiday, Independence Day. As well as its historical significance, it has the distinction of being the least stressful holiday we have all year. There is no stress of big meals to fix, no frantic shopping, no worrisome winter travel, and we celebrate it by lounging around outside, maybe barbecuing, and watching fireworks. Once a year we just relax.

For some reason this year, I started thinking about the impact of personal independence on how we respond to stress. Independence requires a certain amount of self reliance, courage, and strength, both of body and will. Independence grows out of a sense of confidence, resilience and personal power. The more confident and empowered we become, the more our independence grows, and the less power we give to stress.

Five places to reclaim your independence…now.

1. Be independent from other people’s opinions. A driving need to please others can be a major source of stress for many people. There will always be people you don’t agree with, or critical people who want to judge how you look, act, cook, raise your children, or whatever else they have an opinion about.

It is nice to take action that you know will make people happy, but you simply can’t do it all the time. Other people really are responsible for their own happiness. You can help occasionally, and that adds to happiness in the world. But happiness is not even a goal for some people. They get too much pleasure from criticizing those around them. So, declare your independence from the negative opinions of others, and leave that stress behind.

2. Be independent from your To Do List. Yes, it is good to be organized, and having a “to do” list saves you the stress of forgetting important tasks. But your list is not your life. When you check things off, take a breather. Not having another urgent entry does not mean you aren’t needed. It means you can look at the world without an agenda for a change. You can see what‘s out there, be spontaneous. You can take some time to simply BE.

3. Be independent from worry. As much as worrying feels like we’re doing something, all we are doing is causing ourselves more stress. Notice when worry starts creeping in, and ask yourself if there is some action you can take to solve the situation. If there is, go for it. You will feel far better if you face up to something that your inaction has caused you to worry about.

If there is nothing you can do today, declare your independence from fretting about it. If you need to check on it later, put in on some future day of your agenda, then tackle it as a task to accomplish, when the proper time comes.

4. Be independent from unhealthy food. Many of us have our little junk food addictions. So it might be time to remind yourself that you are in control of what you eat, not the other way around. Substances like refined sugar or over processed flour can cause cravings that would run your life if you let them. Declare your independence from the stress on your body of blood sugar run amok, or the lethargy that follows a sugar high. You have the power to feel better, if you take back your right to eat real food.

5. Be independent from some screen time. Television, computers, phones, whatever. The screens always seem to be calling for our attention, waiting for us to give them all our time. You don’t have to go cold turkey and give up technology for good. Just look up once and a while. Good outside. Take a walk. Take a friend to lunch.

In spite of what you think it they are telling you, your screens will not really miss you when you are gone. Declare your independence now and then, and let go of the stress of too much sitting, eye strain, advertising, and interrupted sleep. Your body will thank you in the long run.

These are just a few ideas of things we let have too much outside control in our lives. What are yours? Make your own list of whatever you’d like to let go of, at least once in a while, declare your independence and take a holiday from stress.

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How Pets Help You Deal with Stress

By Janet Wolfe | February 16, 2021

Whether you are under a lot of stress, or fighting depression, it helps to have someone to talk to, and that someone could be a pet. Pets help you deal with stress and can improve your health, plus they are glad to listen as you pour your heart out, without interrupting or telling you what to do.

Especially if you are alone, a pet can provide essential companionship that keeps you connected with the world. Caring for an animal forces you to think of someone other than yourself, and breaks the cycle of brooding on your problems all the time. And they are just fun to be around.

One example of the difference pets can make is how many nursing homes now allow companion animals to visit the people who live there. Residents become more responsive and contented when interacting with their furry guests, and the effects last after the animals have gone.

Pets lower blood pressure. Research has shown that the presence of animals reduces our blood pressure, which can be a dangerous offshoot of stress. There appears to be something inherently calming and uplifting about having pets around, whether they are dogs, cats, birds, fish or something more exotic.

Unconditional love. Charles Schultz once wrote that, “dogs love people for who they are.” Cats too, actually. They don’t care how you look, how smart you are, what you do for a living or what kind of car you drive. Affection from a pet comes with no pre-qualifications, and has no end. If your work days are full of trying to please your boss or unhappy customers, then coming home to an animal who loves you can relieve a lot of the stress you have built up all day long.

Exercise. One way to get yourself moving more regularly is to walk a dog. Dogs need exercise, and so do we. You get stress relief from fresh air and muscle activity, and a walking buddy who seldom wears out. Depending on the breed, a dog might also make you feel safer and more willing to go outside.

The magic of touch. We all need physical contact, but if you live alone, or spend a lot of time away from family members, a loving touch may be rare. Animals are born to touch. They love to snuggle, hug, roll, nuzzle, and let you stroke them for hours on end. On your side, the act of petting a cat or dog can reduce your heart rate, and release feel good hormones in your brain.

Recharging your sense of play. Animals love to play. Even as they get older, they never seem to lose their eagerness to just have fun, and it makes them happy when you join them. When we’re under a lot of stress, we forget how to be playful. Pets serve as an excellent reminder that we don‘t have to take life so seriously all the time.

Sense of routine. When you are under a lot of stress it can seem like the world is spinning out of control. The routine feeding and care of a pet can give you a sense of stability, as well as confidence in your ability to be responsible for someone else.

Some things to keep in mind if you decide to own a pet.

If you are dealing with a lot of stress already, you need to consider a pet that is relatively low maintenance. Some dog breeds might require more space, food, and exercise time than you have available. If you work long days, then a cat could be a better choice, as they don’t require you let them outside.

Also, consider your budget. You don’t want to add to your money stress by bringing home a pet you can’t afford. A vet or animal shelter could provide information to help you decide. If you have to think small, even goldfish can calm your nerves.

Be willing to make a long term commitment. A pet can bring you years of happiness, but should not be taken on as some sort of short term fix. Pets give us their devotion and trust, and must rely on us for their safety and care. Before you give your heart to any pet, be sure it is for the long haul.

Pets help us deal with stress and keep a positive outlook. Plus, it’s always good to have a true friend.

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Release Your Stress and Anxiety About Tomorrow: 5 Little Steps to Start Today

By Janet Wolfe | January 12, 2021

Whether we stress about how to afford our kids’ college, are anxious about aging, or are afraid we’ll look dumpy at our high school reunion; we can save ourselves a lot of worry about the future by taking little steps today. Even if you don’t typically procrastinate, many of us check off our to-do list of daily tasks, but avoid issues that worry us most because we can’t quite face them yet. And when we don’t face them, the stress gets a little bigger every day.

Most life changes happen one minute at a time. Sudden, life changing events do happen which can forever alter our future. But most changes happen while we’re not paying much attention, especially when we are busy dealing with the stress of our daily routine. We may gain a pound here and there, or put a few too many lunches on a credit card. We may say we’ll start saving for retirement someday…when we have more money or time.

Then one day we look in the mirror, or at our bank statement and wonder what the heck happened. We feel doubly stressed because the future has hit us, and we find ourselves unprepared.

Time is on your side. Trying to make up for lost time can feel impossible. But little changes made early don’t take much effort at all. Instead, you can release your stress and anxiety, and let time do the heavy work for you. None of these are new ideas. We just may not always realize how beneficial little changes are.

1) The 100 calorie trick. If a few pounds have crept up on you, but you hate the idea of dieting, consider simply letting go of 100 calories a day. This could be half a latte or soda, one less tablespoon of salad dressing or pat of butter, or just a little less of something you can’t live without.

The math never lies. 3500 calories of food intake equals a pound of body fat, no matter what it is you eat. So 100 less calories a day will be close to a pound lost in a month, that you would hardly notice missing from your mouth. The change is slow, but you could lose over 10 pounds in a year, and save yourself the stress over how you’ll look for any number of special occasions.

2) Lift weights to save your bones, and keep you strong. The threat of bone loss is a worry for a lot of women, but beyond taking calcium they may have few ideas how to prevent it. Happily, research has shown that lifting even small weights builds bone mass, and may be our best protection against osteoporosis in our future.

If your schedule is too hectic to fit in going to the gym, you can do a lot at home with leg weights and barbells. Check out the excellent book, Strong Women Strong Bones, by Miriam Nelson and Sarah Wernick, Ph.D, for easy exercises and information. Daily activities like carrying groceries or kids will be far easier as you get a little stronger every day.

3) Pay a little more on everything you owe. If you have a mortgage, car payment, or credit card debt, chances are you can’t pay a chunk of money toward lessening your debt load. But chances are you can pay a little extra every month. Especially on high interest credit cards, this can save you a lot of interest charges, and remove the stress of owing so much. Your mortgage may also allow you to pay extra money to your principal whenever you want. Over the life of a 30 loan, the money you save could be significant.

4) Automatic savings. It can be hard to commit to saving for retirement or college tuition when it seems so far away. But that is exactly when you can gain the most from small amounts you put aside. There are plenty of calculations that show the younger you are when you start saving, the less actual money you have to save, and the more money you will accumulate over time.

If you are lucky enough to have a 401K or other plan where your employer matches a portion of your contribution, then extra money is there for you to take for free. If your budget is tight, you could still probably contribute a small amount without missing it much. You can always increase your savings later, and your nest egg will already be established and beginning to grow.

5) Create a habit of meditation. We tend to think of meditation as a way to deal with the stress we face now. But the more we practice, the better we get, and the more our practice makes us resistant to stress. Whatever the future holds for us, we will be more resilient and emotionally strong from the benefits meditation brings.

Overall, taking little steps now helps us drop a lot of our worries about the future; because we can take comfort that we are doing what we can to be prepared. We can look forward to a future where we are leaner, stronger, wealthier and more serene.

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How to Use Self Hypnosis to Relieve Stress

By Janet Wolfe | December 31, 2020

Do you experience stress from specific problems you just don’t know how to solve? If so, you might consider adding a little self-hypnosis to your arsenal of stress fighting weapons. Self-hypnosis can relieve stress much like meditation. It starts out with deep breathing and an awareness of the present moment. But whereas meditation seems to invoke our spiritual nature, self-hypnosis is especially suited to fix practical problems in our day to day physical world.

No hocus-pocus here.

Some people shy away from the idea of self-hypnosis because of “hypnotist” stage acts, which seem to delight in embarrassing audience members to their everlasting remorse. Self-hypnosis, in contrast, is far from silly and is totally under your control. If you’ve ever practiced Conscious Relaxation exercises, then you have already experienced the basic idea.

When we are in deep state of relaxation, our minds are more receptive to suggestions that help us modify our behavior or approach problems without fear. Things we wish we could change about ourselves or our circumstances can cause us a lot of stress if we feel we can’t fix them. Among popular uses for self-hypnosis you’ll find weight loss, stopping smoking, getting out of debt, or overcoming a fear public speaking, flying, or even asking your boss for a raise.

I have been doing self-hypnosis off and on since I was a pudgy teenager in a skinny world. It works well to change habits, deal with anger, or even to experience really deep muscle relaxation after a walk or yoga. I also meditate, and at least for me, there is a real physical difference I can feel between the two practices. So, I’ll use my own experience to see if I can set them apart.

Self-hypnosis focuses your attention of the sensation of your body as you feel it unwind.

As I mentioned above, self-hypnosis begins with slow, deep breathing, with instructions to relax. You can use guided hypnosis recordings, or simply think the suggestions to yourself.

After a moment or two of conscious breathing, you begin to instruct different parts of your body to relax even further. Starting from your feet and working up to your head, you tell yourself that each part of you feels heavier and heavier, and you allow yourself to experience this feeling of weight. You are very aware of your body. You might feel you are melting into the floor or the ground, becoming a part of the earth itself. Feel the sensation of relaxing your muscles, your skin, your blood vessels, and every part of you. You may even feel as if your entire body is just dissolving away.

A common technique while relaxing this way is to count backwards, mentally assigning a number to each part of your body as it continues to sink down. After you’ve practiced this for a while, the counting alone will relax your body without any additional cues. Leave your head for the last, as it is the hardest part of yourself to quiet down. You can repeat the final number as many times as you need to for your head to get with the program.

Only when your body is totally relaxed do you offer suggestions of how to change your life.

I can’t attest that this is true for everyone, but for me self-hypnosis relaxes my body more than meditation, while meditation is more relaxing to my mind. That doesn’t mean that self-hypnosis doesn’t relax my anxieties or feelings of stress. But conscious relaxation does not require the mind to be still. It just becomes so absorbed in the body’s relaxation that it doesn’t stray far away.

After your body is fully relaxed, you can begin to introduce ideas to change your stress causing behaviors. Something like, “My favorite foods are healthy and fresh. I enjoy how much better I feel when I eat less,” or, “I feel calm and prepared to speak before an audience. I am confident in my ability to speak, and I enjoy giving valuable information to others.”

Keep your suggestions positive.

I have tried self-hypnosis tapes which encouraged a form of aversion therapy, forming negative images of things like sweets or cigarettes which you want to avoid. I don’t personally recommend that idea.

Self-hypnosis will only let your thoughts take you where you really want to go. If you create icky images to associate with something you want to remove from your life, those negative thoughts stick with you. If you make them too revolting, you might decide to throw out your improvement program rather than the habit you want to change.

Picturing positive images of the change you want to see is far more appealing, and will draw you toward the action or situation you want to achieve.

So how are hypnotic suggestions different from daily affirmations?

It is really the deep level of physical relaxation that makes the difference. Affirmations can play easily in the background of your day, and you can say them as often as you choose to. Affirmations and self-hypnosis don’t interfere with each other. Your conscious mind hears your affirmations, while, the experts tell us, self-hypnosis has a better chance of being heard by your subconscious mind.

Return to full alertness with a recorded tone, or by counting up from 1 to 10.

Self hypnosis recordings are especially helpful if you fear you’ll fall asleep. With or without them, you set your intention to return awake and refreshed, count forward again, and stretch your body back to life. You should find your muscles far less kinked and your mind less stressed and ready to take charge.

If you use recordings, be sure and find a guiding voice that you enjoy. Recently I have begun using brain entrainment music containing self-hypnotic messages, and I am very impressed. The music is lovely, and the voice especially soothing. I’ll let you know in a few months if I make new progress.

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Can Doodling Relieve Stress?

By Janet Wolfe | November 26, 2020

Do you like to doodle? If you do, you might already have a handy method to relieve stress right at the tip of your fingers. I happened to see a notice in our newspaper about a course in Zen drawing and Zen doodling at our local college, and decided to take a look.

Meditating with pencil or pen.

The style of pencil or watercolor sketches called Zen drawing is very different from Zen doodling, but each one encourages the idea of the drawing experience as a form of meditation. Zen drawing encourages us to really look at the physical world, and lets our pencils be guided by what we see. Freestyle Zen doodling allows our pens to roam along with what we see in our minds, expecting no particular outcome or form.

Originally introduced by the late Frederick Franck, Zen drawing is as much about developing our awareness as it is transcribing what we see. His book Zen of Seeing: Seeing/Drawing as Meditation is a lovely guide to this calm and open hearted way of looking at the world. Today Dutch artist Michelle Dujardin continues the tradition, inspired by his work.

There are no mistakes.

One aim of both Zen drawing and Zen doodling is to focus our attention on the process of creating, rather than our results. As a consequence, when you do Zen drawing or doodling, there are no mistakes. Instead you just see where the new line takes you, and what else you can now create.

In our results oriented world, a lot of our stress in life comes from the fear of making mistakes. So letting go to just doodle for the sake of it is not as easy to do as it sounds. Since drawing or doodling are both activities that require patience and attention, though, doing them lets us slip into that zone of concentrated effort, where the rest of the world can slip away.

The Zentangle® Method: A More Disciplined Approach

Not everyone can just let go and scribble away without a goal. Some people need structure before they can truly relax. Enter Zentangle®, a set of intricate doodle patterns that must be taught. The patterns give would-be doodlers a groundwork to express themselves, and a way to let go of stress as they create something new.

On their website, Zentangle® founders Maria Thomas and Rick Roberts explain that they wanted to create a system that would allow others to experience the meditative power of creating repetitive patterns that they discovered for themselves. The learned patterns teach doodlers to create what are called “strings”, which are filled in with repeatable designs, in a deliberate, disciplined way. The designs are all done with pen, and there are no erasers. As Roberts explains, “there are no erasers in life”; we make our marks on the world, and adapt as we go.

Thomas and Roberts are aware of the value of conscious discipline. It reminds me of pianists running scales, or ballet dancers at work at the bar, learning their craft. Discipline requires the mind to focus. It leads the doer into the flow of the experience, and builds the confidence to become more creative on their own. Focus reduces stress, and confidence helps keep it at bay. The discipline is part of why Thomas and Roberts call their method a “life practice,” not merely an artistic skill.

Taking a look

Zentangle® is wildly popular on sharing sites like Pinterest, and YouTube has plenty of instructional videos to try. The patterns may remind you of things you’ve seen before…Celtic swirls, Hindu henna tattoos, M.C. Escher geometric worlds. You can learn the fixed patterns, or follow the idea of freestyle Zen Doodling, scribbling to your heart’s content, but with an attitude of focused awareness.

You are never locked in to any one style. If simple doodling awakens a desire to do more, enjoy the summer outside with a pen or pencil, and take a fresh look at the world where you live. As Michelle Dujardin says, “it is about the experience of drawing,” that becomes your meditation and relieves your stress, not in trying to create a work of art.

To understand the phenomenon of Zen drawing and doodling, it needs to be seen and experienced. Describing it doesn’t really do it justice. Take a look for yourself at:

www.zendrawing.com, for the work of Michelle Dejardin, and information on her upcoming book.

www.zentangle.com, for examples and the story of the Zentangle® method.

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