SGM March 2017 Weekly Message Four: “A Cool Technique to Make Great Decisions!”

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Spiritual Growth Monthly. I’m Kevin Schoeninger. It’s great to have you with us here at SGM!

DecisionsWhen you have a big decision to make, how do you do it? What do you do right in that moment when you could go one way or another—and it really matters? Do you add up the pros and cons and see which column stacks higher? Or are there certain values that rule over any stack of good reasons? Is it more of a “feel thing,” a “Yes. . . that!” which bubbles up from your subconscious?

What questions do you ask and where do you go for your answers? Your head? Your heart? Your body? Experts?

In this week’s message, you’ll learn a cool technique to help you make great decisions—and have fun doing it!

My wife and I are buying a new home—and it’s turning out to be quite a mental-emotional exercise. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m now 55 and looking at life differently. I’m more reflective and more focused on exactly what type of experiences we want to have. At this point in life, I don’t want to settle. I want it to be just right.

It seems that we’ve outgrown this house. It represents a certain level of consciousness and supports certain types of experiences. It’s fine. It’s comfortable. It’s known and reliable. It’s been a good house for us.

However, one morning when I was meditating, I began to feel an energy welling up within me. As I looked around, I started to feel that this space was too small and closed in. It wasn’t conducive to what we are going to do next, even though, what those next things are wasn’t exactly clear.

When I told my wife, even though neither of us had been talking about moving at all, she instantly agreed. We both got excited for what might come next.

When we bought the home we’re in now, the process was quite different. That was 13 years ago—and it took all of about 5 minutes to decide. “Yep, that one has what we need. We’ll take it.” It was a more practical, functional type of decision.

But, now, I am thinking through a different lens, one that has mortality on the horizon. Sure, we could possibly have 30-40 more years—or not. In any case, this could be the last house we own. I want it to be everything we’ve always wanted—and support the next things we don’t even know about yet. It has to feel expansive.

Houses Represent PerspectivesMoving, like all decisions, is all about perspective. Remember the Primary Insight—the experiences we have are the result of where we are coming from. We can live in many different worlds—and these worlds can change moment by moment depending on what we focus on and how we relate to it.

Houses are a great metaphor for perspective. A perspective is a point of view you inhabit that opens up certain experiences. Perspectives include thoughts, feelings, memories, actions, and habits that form a point of view. A point of view enables you to see certain things and not others. It gives you a focus that supports certain types of experiences. A home is also a place you inhabit that supports certain experiences.

So, when searching for a home, or making any decision, the question is: What experience do we want to have? And, what decision best supports that experience?

As we’ve looked at multiple housing options, every one offers a whole different set of experiences:

This one is on a corner lot (with a helluva lot of sidewalk to shovel in the winter). It has a large yard—and we’ve never had a yard. A yard would be great for practicing T’ai Chi on the grass. This one has a yard that is bigger than we want to maintain and is open to all the neighbor’s yards. That one has a smaller more private yard. This one has a deck with a great view of the mountains.

That house is so big that we start thinking of all the stuff we would have to buy to fill it up. This one has upgraded appliances that are tantalizingly sparkling. Do we care about that? Aren’t we more “spiritually focused?” That one has solar. We love that!

This one has two office spaces to grow our home-based businesses—we have to have that. That one has a guest bedroom—we could easily have our relatives or friends stay with us more often.

There are so many different experiences a home can offer. What ones are top priority? It’s amazing how quickly my mind can settle into one place and begin to feel what life would be like living in one space, then find something important that doesn’t work about that, let it go, and shift to look at another house and discover what it is about.

Each home we look at teaches us something about what we’re looking for. Taking in all those different perspectives, helps us to hone in on what is really essential—what this move is all about.

After a few weeks of looking and being overwhelmed with all the options, we ask ourselves: “Why are we even looking for a new home?” Isn’t the one we have just fine?

Yes, it is fine. It’s familiar. It’s a known. Yet, something is calling us to expand. We feel guided to do this. We both feel creative energy welling up inside us. Maybe, because it’s spring? Maybe, because Life is evolving and asking more of us?

For whatever reason, it’s time to step outside our comfort zone. It seems that Life is asking us to do this—ready or not! We feel energized about the possibilities—and a little afraid and anxious at the same time. Still, there is a guiding force that seems to be pulling us along. A house is more than a place to live—it’s a whole new perspective to live from.

It’s the same with any big decision you have to make. What you choose will open up a whole new world of different possibilities.

Mental Rehearsal: A Cool Technique to Make Great DecisionsAs we’ve found houses that look like good possibilities, I’ve used a technique that I’ve found powerfully effective in testing all types of decisions. That technique is “Mental Rehearsal.” It’s a way to get clear on and prepare you to receive the experiences you truly desire way and a way to test your decisions before you make them.

The premise of mental rehearsal is that imagining a desired experience creates the same neural networks in your body and brain that having that experience in “real life” does. By mentally rehearsing an experience you groove the neural pathways to more easily welcome that experience into your life. What you can imagine in full sensory detail you more easily become.

This isn’t a crazy idea. You actually use your imagination all of the time to imagine experiences you want and dread experiences you don’t want. The purpose of mental rehearsal is to consciously use your imagination to pave the way for the experiences you desire and to test options that might provide those experiences.

Mental rehearsal familiarizes you with the felt experiences you want to have, so you can recognize them, choose them, and grow them in your life. You may not feel worthy of the experiences you desire, or may not feel that they are possible for you. By mentally rehearsing those experiences you learn to become comfortable seeing and feeling them by imagining yourself having them. This opens you up to the realization that what you thought was out of reach may actually be possible for you.

Preparation for Effective Mental RehearsalThe first three steps of the Clear Quiet Mind process empower you to do Mental Rehearsal effectively. Before you begin:

1) Recognize where you are coming from. Notice any thoughts and feelings that are going through your mind and body. Notice, especially, any tensions and fears surrounding your decision.

2) As best as you can, set those tensions and fears aside for the moment. Release anything that might hold you back—if only for the duration of your Mental Rehearsal experiment. Consciously let it go.

3) Use the cues you find most effective to Return to a State of Calm Clarity. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and rest into a state of Still, Silent, Spacious Awareness.

Now, you are ready for Step Four of the Clear Quiet Mind process: Receiving clear insight to guide you forward. You can use Mental Rehearsal to receive that guidance.

You can apply this technique to any goal you have, such as creating a successful business, finding your life partner or growing a deeper relationship with your life partner, achieving optimal health by engaging in self-care practices, or any creative project or experience your soul desires.

It’s important to note that imagining a specific experience does not mean that that exact experience will happen exactly as you imagine it to be. Life may have even better plans for you—ones that you may not have imagined. What’s important is to imagine the experience you desire, given what you know right now, and use the exercise to put you in the state of being that you desire from that experience. It’s that state of being that you are really after.

Once you are in that state of being, be it love, joy, peace, confidence, self-worth, creativity, achievement, higher purpose, or any other feeling you wish to have—that state of being becomes a filter through which you can recognize and choose similar experiences and a magnet that draws them to you.

Mental Rehearsal used in this way can help you get clear on exactly what it is that you are looking for, so that you recognize it when you see it. It will help you find options that might work for you.

You can then test your options using Mental Rehearsal by imagining yourself living in one choice in full sensory detail and feeling what it’s like.

How to Use Mental RehearsalFirst, imagine any important details of the experience you desire, including: if you are by yourself or with anyone else, where you are, along with any significant details of the environment, and what you are doing. . . You can visualize, but you don’t have to. Simply imagine the experience using whatever senses bring the experience to you.

Second, step into that scene so that it surrounds you, as if you are immersed in that experience right now. Notice what it feels like to live in that experience.

Before my wife and I began looking at houses we talked about the experiences we want that are different from what we have now. We’d like a small yard with some grass to do T’ai Chi on and a small garden to grow organic veggies, office spaces near the front door for our businesses, and an open floor plan for the kitchen, living, and dining areas. We would like to be as close to nature and walking trails as possible—perhaps with a great view from an outside deck.

We also wanted to keep many of the things we have now, such as bedrooms all together on the second floor, a main level for socializing and eating, and a finished basement for our son and his friends to hang out and for our workout room.

We used this vision to filter our options. When we find homes that seem to check the boxes of what we are looking for, I use Mental Rehearsal to test what if might feel like to live in that house.

Where would all our furniture go? I lay it out in those rooms in my mind. What would it feel like to wake up in this bedroom and look out of this window? Where would I sit to meditate? How would it feel to sit there? What would it feel like to take a shower and get ready for the day in this bathroom?

How would it feel to come down these stairs into this kitchen and make breakfast? Where would we sit to eat? To talk? To read? To watch TV? Where would a Christmas tree go? How would this work for the different things each family member loves to do?

How would it feel to do T’ai Chi in this backyard? Is it close to walking trails? How do those trails feel to walk on? What would it be like to work in this office? How would it be to have someone come over to work with me here? Is there a bathroom for them available without walking through our whole house?

How would it feel to be in this house in each of the four seasons?

You can continue until you have a “good feel” for what this option means as a lived experience.

Then, imagine the steps you would need to take to bring this lived experience to fruition. Are those steps you are willing to do? For example, with a house purchase, there might be some major repairs or renovations. Do you feel up for that process?

At certain moments in your Mental Rehearsal, you’ll likely come up with an objection—something that doesn’t feel just right about the choice you are mentally rehearsing. You’ll feel some resistance or discomfort.

Sometimes this is about you not being able to accept and receive a great new possibility. You might not feel worthy of it. That’s where prior Mental Rehearsal of your desired experience will help you out. It paves the way for you to be able to welcome what you truly want.

And, sometimes your objections will come from something about the choice you are considering that isn’t quite right. In that case, imagine how you might address that. Is it easily solvable? How does it feel once you’ve taken that remedial action? Is it still a deal-breaker?

The key is to imagine the scenes in full sensory detail, step into them as if you are living them out, and notice how they feel. Imagine the steps that each option would involve in real life and how you might feel taking these steps. Notice any objections or resistance that comes up and how you might address that. How does it feel once that is done?

When you go through this process, you’ll likely either come away excited and feeling inspired or feeling somewhat burdened, like you are making do with a less than perfect solution, and not so thrilled as you thought you might be.

One choice will feel lighter or brighter. It will “light up” and be a “green light.” The other will feel heavier, more burdensome, or feel like a “red light.” You can ask yourself: “Does this choice make me feel lighter or heavier? Energized or tired? Is it a green light or a red light?”

A great choice will naturally make you smile.

I would love to hear your experiments with using Mental Rehearsal to make decisions in our Discussion below.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these past four months exploring the four steps to a Clear Quiet Mind. Look for my book based on this material later this year.

Until next time,
Enjoy your practice!
Kevin